Jeff Foxworthy.com
August 30, 2002
|
|
When I was in the Navy and stationed in the Deep South, one of the regional books I sent to relatives in Oregon was a book called "How to Speak Southern". It told one the proper pronunciation of "yawl", and other important words and phrases. Little did I know that there was someone who years later would personify that book, and make a durn good living doing it.
His name is Jeff Foxworthy, but you may know him by his middle name "You might be a redneck". His humourous look at country life has become popular, I feel, not because it demeans or puts anyone down, but because it is so true and so funny. That is an unusual combination in comedy these days. At this site, you can follow where Jeff will be appearing, as well as finding out a little bit about him, and lurn, er, excuse me, learn some real redneck words and jokes. A fun time will be had by all, guranteed.
Okay, I tried to get by without putting any jokes here, but I couldn't help it.....
"You might be a redneck if you stare at a can of orange juice because it says concentrated".
Digg It!
It's Del.icio.us!
Furl It!Comments on “Jeff Foxworthy.com”
So far, there are 130 comments on this entery. Why not add yours!
Search FamilyFirst.com
Most Popular Today
HotWheels.comPlaying with car and trucks when I was growing up usually meant a day spen...
The Guiness Book of World RecordsWhat is the longest song title? Who is the tallest living human being? Wha...
Guinness Book of World RecordsWhat is the longest song title? Who is the tallest living human being? Wha...
George Foreman's PlaceNo review.http://www.georgeforeman.com/default2.htm...
Ritchie Valens.netYesterday we looked at a site that saluted Buddy Holly, one of the main st...
Related Products
| Books |
I THINK YOU'RE THE GREATEST!!!! I OWN EVERY COMEDY CD, I JUST LOVE THE BLUE COLLAR COMEDY TOUR!!! WAY TO GO!!!
-HEATHER
I was extremely disappointed in tonight's (8-5-04) Blue Collar TV show. The sketch with the 13 year old dancing was way beyond family viewing. I never expected this of Jeff Foxworthy. If this kind of "humor" continues, I'll be glad to see the show tank.
I love Your Show And All The Great Friend's That Work togetherIn ONE EFFORT to Put A Great T.V.Show on the Air, And It Is Hillarious and There is Not Enough Time To see It Before It's ALL OVER,I am A labourer and Really Dig You, Larry,and all the Rest Of Your Crazy Gang Of RED-NECK'S. My Thought Is That You Can Have What I Thought Of: Horn-Swaggle :When You Get Up On A Cold Morning And Your Horn Swggle's In Your Short's Or Some-thing Like That,PEACE AND LOVE ALLWAY'S YOU FAN'S ROGER AND MIKE.P.S> WE AIN'T Boy-Friend's,HAHA
Red neck door stop, a case of shot gun shells
i have a redneck words for jeff
owl (i will)
owl see ya tomorow
gopher (go for)
i will gopher it
I have enjoyed the movie and the show. As does my mother. However our concern lies with the constant jokes about large people. Not all large people find those jokes funny. My mom and I find it degrading and hurtful.
Some people who are large have medical problems that cause them to be that way. For example, I have a thyroid problem.
Obesity is a disease that is very hard to overcome. Like alcoholism and anorexia nervosa. Once in a while the jokes are okay, like Larry's sister getting her belly pierced and he called it a hitch. Chuckle-worthy.
Picking on fat people every week is getting ridiculous. Please find someone else to pick on.
Thank you.
You might be a redneck if it never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase "One nation under God".
You stand with your hand over your heart during the National Anthem.
You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You bow your head when someone prays.
You say "Christmas" instead of " the Holidays".
I'll have a redneck back me up anyday!
I have something Jeff could use, thanks to my 4 year old son. "You might be a redneck......if your kid wears lacrosse hunting boots with his spiderman oufit." He doesn't go anywhere without them!
Jeff, my name is steve. You might remember me from high school. I need to ask you a question/favor about the Little League program. If you or your agent could get back with me; by email, I would greatly appricate it. Or if you would like I could take a letter over to your parents old house and they could forward it to you. If you don't want to talk just send be back an email telling me so. Thanks for reading this.
Steve
Jeff i am a 14 yr. old i have my entire High school blue collar crazy. walking down the halls saying Git-r- done, or your classic you might be a redneck. today, some of my redneck friends were talking about their red neck family's. then one mentioned his grandfather so i thought of "You might be a old person..." i have plenty of red neck jokes and other ones. i also have new ideas for your show.
Some old people jokes you can have on a blue collar TV episode regaurding age should be you might be an old person if...
here are some i thought of: If your wheelchair has more milage than a 747 You might be a old person. If your insurance rate is higher than the lottery you might be an old person. If you a professional Bingo player you might be an old person. if you drive on the side walk and park on the street you might be an old person. If your voice sounds like a robot more than a robot (grab throat and say "you might be an oldperson" in a robotic voice). If your grandson wears a diaper and so do you you might be an old person. if moses is in your year book you might be an old person. if you can throw your boobs over your shoulder like a continental solider you might be an old person. If you went hunting and was attacked by wild turkeys because of a "little" excess skin you might be an old person. And for the red neck behalf... If red means stop, green means ok, and yellow means rev your engine you might be a redneck. and for the dictionary- Depend (the pen): for ron white... Where is sluggo in *depend* over there. you guys just email me at RedNeckConfederate@hotmail.com for more and Git-R-Done
Hi Jeff! You rock... ^.^ I have the Blue Collar CD pretty much memorized (but I hate that they took out some of the stuff...Coleman lantern and a leafblower! lol) I have some redneck stuff...
~If your life's ambition is to be a RAW diva, you might be a redneck. (RAW being a wrestling thingy...)
~If you've ever held a baby shower in a bar, you might be a redneck.
~If you think the One Ring is the rust around your bathtub, you might be a redneck.
So, yeah. I don't have very many but if I come up with more I'll let you know.
~Rachel
Ps. When are you coming to Michigan?!?!?!??!! lol
i saw this on a mesage board recently and loved it ive been looking for a way to get it to foxworthy himself. i think that he would apreceate it and for all i know he may have seen it already or thought of it himself. long story short i would apreceate it if you could pass this on. and if anyone knows of an email address or another way to get jeff foxworthy to see do me a favour and get it to him.
You Might Be A Redneck,
...if it never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under
God. . ."
...you've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
....you still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
...you bow your head when someone prays.
...you stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
...you treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
...you've never burned an American flag.
...you know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
...you respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
...you'd give your last dollar to a friend.
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look
at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I
had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen
or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what
rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this
on to your redneck friends
this came off of www.whiskerkitty.com
thanks
Jeff: I touhg ou min=ght like this as ou have been the ultimate creator of it.
We have enjoyed redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of them. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Y'all know who ya are...
You might be a redneck if. . .
It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
You bow your head when someone prays.
You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You've never burned an American flag.
You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
If you got this email from me it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough redneck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email.
God Bless the USA
Dear Jeff i am sertanly your biggest fan i am 34 i wish i could meet you can you please e-mail me back i have a redneck joke you can use on your next cd if you are so high you smoke Sugar you might be a redneck thank you oh i love your show especialy the piolot well when a cousin and a cousin realy love each other...
bye
I HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE AND I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT IT TODAY. IF YOU KEEP DATES BY THE DATE ON YOUR COPENHAGEN CAN YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK. THANKS FOR ALL THE LAUGHS AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
HERE IS A GOOD ONE; SENIOR (SEEN YOUR) AS IN, I SENIOR SISTER OVER THERE AT THE WEIGHT LOSS CENTER!
R E D N E C K D I C T I O N A R Y
1 DOG-GONE: DOG GONE AFTER THAT SKUNK AGAIN
2 VALUE: VALUE GONNA FINISH OFF THEM MASHED TATERS THERE
3 SCREWDRIVER: SCREWDRIVER I'M USING PLIERS INSTEAD
4 POWER: DID YOU SEE THAT CURVE BALL, IT POWERED IN HIS HEAD,THATS GOTTA HURT
5 SEED: I JUST SEED THAT SAME TRUCK 15 MINUTES AGO-(CONFUSED) WAIT A SEC,THATS MY TRUCK, REPAINTED
6 BURGER: (burger) -HEY HOW CAN YOU BE COLD AND MAD AT THE SAME TIME
7 CD'S: CD'S JEANS I BOUGHT, GOTTEM AT THE FLEA MARKET DOWN THE ROAD OVER THERE
8 DISNEY: DISNEY IS THE BAD ONE, I FELL OFF THE MECHANICAL BULL KINDA FUNNY LAST WEEKEND
9 JOYSTICK: JOYSTICK THAT WIRE THROUGH THE SINK DRAIN UP THERE, ITS A CLOGGED AGAIN
10 TREE: BILL- I EVER TELL YOU MY NEPHEW IS TREE NOW, SEEMS LIKE HE WAS KNEE HIGH THE OTHER DAY
11 KETCHUP: MAN, YOU BETTER KETCHUP SOON, YOUR 10 SECOND FART JUST DROPPED YOU IN 6TH PLACE
12 FREETIME: HELLO MISS, HOW MUCH IS THE FREETIME AFTER TIME RUNS OUT
13 REDNECK: (YELLS OUT) REDNECK, (OTHER FRIEND SAYS)NOPE- THATS A SEAGULL, NICE TRY THERE
14 SAMPLE: SAMPLE YOUR JEANS BACK UP, ITS LOOKIN' TO BE A FULL MOON AGAIN
15 INVENT: HEY, THAT BIRDS GONE INVENT AGAIN. DARREL,BACK UP THE TRUCK AND SCARE HIM WITH YOUR HORN
16 PAPER: GEE WIZ, $49.95 FOR PAPER VIEW ON CHANNEL 90, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT, BE CHEAPER TO JUST GO THERE
17 WINDOW: EXCUSE ME MISS, DO I WINDOW IF I FINISH THE CONTEST FIRST
18 SPEED: HE JUST SPEED IN THE POOL. YAH, WAY TO GO SON, THATS MY BOY
> Dear Ma and Pa:
>
> I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
> Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up
> quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first
> because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I
> like to sleep late.
>
> Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and
> shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to
> split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not
> so bad, there's warm water.
>
> Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,
> etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie
> and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the
> two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till
> noon when you get fed again.
>
> It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches",
> which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks
> so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as
> far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all
> ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.
>
> The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Capt is like the
> school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't
> bother you none.
>
> This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals
> for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk
> head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like them Higgett boys
> do back home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.
> You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
>
> Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to
> wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break
> real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about
> the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver
> Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only
> 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
>
> Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get
> onto this set up and come stampeding in.
>
> Your loving daughter,
> Gail
> Dear Ma and Pa:
>
> I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
> Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up
> quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first
> because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I
> like to sleep late.
>
> Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and
> shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to
> split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not
> so bad, there's warm water.
>
> Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,
> etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie
> and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the
> two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till
> noon when you get fed again.
>
> It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches",
> which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks
> so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as
> far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all
> ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.
>
> The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Capt is like the
> school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't
> bother you none.
>
> This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals
> for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk
> head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like them Higgett boys
> do back home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.
> You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
>
> Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to
> wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break
> real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about
> the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver
> Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only
> 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
>
> Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get
> onto this set up and come stampeding in.
>
> Your loving daughter,
> Gail
> Dear Ma and Pa:
>
> I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
> Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up
> quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first
> because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I
> like to sleep late.
>
> Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and
> shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to
> split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not
> so bad, there's warm water.
>
> Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,
> etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie
> and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the
> two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till
> noon when you get fed again.
>
> It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches",
> which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks
> so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as
> far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all
> ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.
>
> The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Capt is like the
> school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't
> bother you none.
>
> This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals
> for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk
> head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like them Higgett boys
> do back home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.
> You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
>
> Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to
> wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break
> real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about
> the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver
> Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only
> 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
>
> Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get
> onto this set up and come stampeding in.
>
> Your loving daughter,
> Gail
Jeff I have a Stratavarious Fiddle that has been in the family for years and I would like to know if you would lke to buy it before I put it in an auction. I know that you are going to be in Hutchson Kansas soon and I could bring ti to you I can not afford a ticket this week or I would. I have no family let here my father died in 82 and all my aunts died and I have one cousin in Calif.
lkeft and 1 sister in Washington please if you are interested let me know. I am in need to sell it.I know we are 5th ot 6th cousins but our GGGrandfaters were brothers and the fiddle has been in the family for a long time I would rather sell it to you I am not after a great deal of money just what it is est.. Let me know I can bring it to you soon in Hutchinson Kansas. I am from Viola Kansas
Vivian Mount
316-794-2948
will you ever bring your tour the pennsylvania, PA area? I see you have tours in TX, CA,VA area. I live in PA and would love to see your show sometime. I wish you would come to NJ or PA.
I have a ya might be a redneck if... you clean out the pool with a shop vac. Well the thing behind this one is that our pool had this alge just on top of of the water. We had done everything that we knew to do to clean it off ,,, well i looked outside oneday and saw my husband using the shop vac to get it off... it was pretty funny i said i had to send this one to jeff foxworthy.. well i love the blue collar comedy tour stuff ... well i need to go see ya from mississippi.... tonya
Dear Jeff,
Today is Wednesday Feburary 16, 2005, my son has idolized you since he was in the 5th grade. He was always picked on and kids made fun of him. So I told him to turn it around and make them laugh at you becasue you want them too. And laugh they did. He began using your material of Red neck jokes and the kids love it. From that day on he is undoubltly the funniest kid. He is 19 years old now and still loves your material. He was paralzyed at 15, but walks now, and today his dream came true. He is one of your background extras on your Blue Colar Comedy in Athens. He called me and is having the time of his life. I wish this could open doors for him. He has been hospital home bound for high school and in physical theary 3 times a week for years. YOU are the greatest. Thank you for being the savior and light in my kids life when he needed it the most.
Lauri Ferry mother of Jonathon Weaver
Word for the redneck dictionary:
Eclipse: (it clips)
Hey, see this knew cellular phone, eclipse on youre belt.
On Wisconsin was great. All were dead on but one. The bar to church ratio was way off. Scince the drunk driving laws toughened up, about half the bars closed. Now we are down to at least 3 bars to every church.
Dear Jeff,
i have a couple of true redneck jokes if you dont believe i will show you the shirt "if your highschool wrestling team slogon is "GET R DONE "YOU MIGHT BE RED NECK ... if you call any thing with an engine and wheels a "RIGG" you might be redneck the sadd thing is its all the okanogan wrestling team s slogon is get r done . and people call anything with wheels and engine or motor a rigg. i live in a red neck town and i used to live in ohio . it was a very big change
i do hope you mention this in one of you shows please . thanks
Redneck joke
You might be a redneck if you prune your trees with a shotgun.
Keep up the great shows
I really like what you have did for the world.The movie blue collar t.v. comedy tour was very hurmorous and funny.All I got to say is KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK??????? And have funny life?
you might be a redneck if you consider a six pack of beer and a slimjim BREAKFAST!!
We wanted to ask Jeff if he and his friends can so a redneck spoof of the mtv show of the teenage girl whose rich parents spent 2 million dollars on her 16th birthday party, we thought a redneck version of this would be so funny, you know instead of a new car, a redneck would go to the nearest junk yard lot and get a fixer upper. just a thought. we love Blue collar comedy show.
Jeff,
Last night I was flipping through stations while my wife was getting ready to go to a friends house for pot luck. I was laughing out loud at your bit about how if your wife is silent for 30 minutes you naively thought she might be mad at someone besides you. My wife tells me to get ready to go and I'm in the bedroom when I hear an angry "Son of a B***h" come from the kitchen. I naively respond "What?" like there's something she could be mad at besides me. She comes into the bedroom and with flames coming out of her mouth says "How could you eat the glazed walnuts that are only for salads? I laughed all the way to our friends house with tears rolling down my face.
One More word like Initiate (and then she ate).
Word: Innuendo
Meaning: In your Window
Example: Have you ever had to climb innuendo to get in your house?
Hey Jeff!!..im 15 years old and i LOVE Blue Collar tv. You are HILARIOUS!.. I know people tell you redneck jokes all the time and u will probably NEVER use this but i'll give it a shot anyways..
"If your wedding colors are camouflage..you might be a redneck"
^^..(My dads cousin)..^^
I live in Iowa so I guess you could say im a redneck..I really appreciate you taking time to read this!
Jordan Hopkins
I have a redneck joke. You might be a redneck if,your husband picks out a baby name from a Guns Magazine rather than baby book of names. RUGER. I know this because it is a true story.
Thanks,
Renae Maynard
I have a redneck joke. You might be a redneck if,your husband picks out a baby name from a Guns Magazine rather than baby book of names. RUGER. I know this because it is a true story.
Thanks,
Renae Maynard
I have a redneck joke. You might be a redneck if,your husband picks out a baby name from a Guns Magazine rather than baby book of names. RUGER. I know this because it is a true story.
Thanks,
Renae Maynard
heres one for you jeff you might be a redneck if you call a cab to take you to a beer joint
Jeff,
You can use this one royalty free..
My wife and i just enjoy your comedy so much!
I hope to here this on the next tour ya'll take...
Here's one for ya...
Ferment.
Hold on ferment ok...
Here's a couple of redneck jokes for ya!
"You might be a redneck.... if you give your goat a pregnancy test."
"You might be a redneck.... if you drive a hummer with three bundles of hay tied on top."
you might be a redneck if your boots cost more than your truck.
Hey jeff i'm a big fan and was wondering if u could sponsor a paintball team i'm on. we are an all red neck team by your definition of " if you lack sophistication you are a red neck. and well i are one." our team name is nameless and we would appreciate if you could help us out in any way. if you are interested just email me and i'll tell you the rest.
OMG!!! JEFF I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE AN AWESOME INSPIRATIONAL GUY WHO I LOOK UP TO. EVERYONE THINKS I AM WEIRD B/C I HAVE ALL YOU'RE TAPES AND THE BOOK YOU WROTE. YOUR JUST AN INSPIRING PERSON KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND GIT - R - DONE!!!
Mr. Foxworthy,
I have a great "REDNECK DICTONARY" THING.
So if you e-mail me back ill tell you about it.
Im hopeing you'll put it on t.v.
thanks alot,
keith sims
Hello Mr. Redneck
My wife and I watch your shows all the time, just wanted to send you a couple of good ones for your REDNECK DICTIONARY,
1. (DAIRY) They said he wouldn't show up, But Dairy he is.
2.(LEMONADE) If he don't quit cheating,were gonna Lemonade him from the game.
3. (SHORE) Man! I SHORE do like your momma's apple pie.
4.(WATER) Hey Hon, Water we havin for supper.
Hey Jeff, here's one for ya. You can use it at no charge.
You might be a "sentimental" redneck if you named your son Rusty because it reminds you of the pickup truck in which he was conceived.
Oh man, you've inspired me. Here's another one.
You might be an "dumb" redneck if you think Johnny Cash is a kind of currency you spend in pay toilets.
Heres a redneck saying that my husband really said as we were traveling down a road, he looked over and said man that is some good looking wood. So you know you are a redneck when you say mAN THAT SURE IS GOOD LOOKING WOOD.
My friend thought of a good one:
You might be a redneck if your daughter borrows your false teeth for her senior pictures.
Only in West Virginia!
I go to a redneck college. At this college you can bring your fishing gear. You can bring a shotgun, a rifle and a bow. You CANNOT bring a blender.
I have a redneck word for you.
Ardachoke I ardachoke you for what you just done.
Jeff, I work with a man at UPS in Fishersville VA, he could be Larry the cable guys twin. His name is Billy. You really need to check him out! He would be a perfect addition to Blue Collar Tour, even as a walk on.
Thanks, Darcey Nixon, dn20002001@yahoo.com
A new subject for "you might be a redneck."
You might be a redneck if you have your wedding in a trailer park.
No joke! A couple got married a couple weeks ago in the center "court yard" of a local trailer park. The shindig lasted 2 days. Big smokers were set up, a tent, tables. The whole nine yards!
Hey,
The redneck jokes have always been a favorite. Here's some that came to me the other night, all coming from personal experience :-D
You might be a redneck:
If you spend more time under your vehicle than in it...
if your dog has ever woken up with a hangover...
if there's an engine lift in your kitchen...
if you;ve ever named a pet after hard alcohol...
if your vehicle's color is listed as "unknown" on the registration...
if you've ever played tic-tac-toe on your front lawn with a weedeater...
and last but not least....
if you've ever written down a list of redneck jokes to send in.....at 530 AM..........in the bathroom.....
Hey,
The redneck jokes have always been a favorite. Here's some that came to me the other night, all coming from personal experience :-D
You might be a redneck:
If you spend more time under your vehicle than in it...
if your dog has ever woken up with a hangover...
if there's an engine lift in your kitchen...
if you;ve ever named a pet after hard alcohol...
if your vehicle's color is listed as "unknown" on the registration...
if you've ever played tic-tac-toe on your front lawn with a weedeater...
and last but not least....
if you've ever written down a list of redneck jokes to send in.....at 530 AM..........in the bathroom.....
Here's one for your redneck dictionary
Marmalade
My marmalade my daddy and that's how I got here.
I listen to you on the radio.. I watch your show.. I have you taped so I can listen to ya all the time and now I have a question for ya!
If A turtle neck sweater is red.. does that make it a redneck sweater??
hey!jeff foxworthy!my boyfriend calls me a redneck cause i put clothes in layaway at yard sales!
Jeff
Friday night--we stopped by the local convience
store. Jim, my son-in-law, told my daughter Kim
to get him a pack of cigarettes. Kim asked him
if he wanted a full pack???
Jim said "No, Bring me 10 and give 10 to the lady behind the counter".
No wonder I am white headed & in stitches!!!
just wanted to fill u in on this joke we came up with
"you might be a redneck if you are sittin at the dinner table and ask for a napkin and your dad hands you a role of toilet paper!"
A new redneck word...maybe you've heard it before.
EarNair: "Hey Ned, where ya been?" "Oh, EarNair!"
I have watched your show and I see that you have a big following. it is because of that following that I am sending this request. I would like to see on your shows this take place. maybe at the very end you could maybe say something like,
" If you believe in the American Flag and God then By God you are a proud RED NECK."
Or...
" If you believe that all of mankind should be free to live their lives in freedom then you are a Proud RED NECK."
Get ER Done Get er done
You are NOT an AMERICAN if
It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
You bow your head when someone prays.
You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You've never burned an American flag.
You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
For those of you who think that this is cute you are not a American.
GOD BLESS THE USA & THANKS TO ALL THE VETERANS FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR THIS GREAT COUNTRY.
Hey Jeff, I love your redneck joke about the guy having his nipple bitten off by a beaver. I have one even better, how about you might be a redneck if your daddy has had his nipple bitten off by a large mouth bass. This really happened to my husbands Dad while he was on a innertube in the lake. Great huh?
If you picked your Lot in the trailer park because it had an unobstructed view of the southern sky....Yooooooou might be a redneck
If you know why this is important..... you might be a redneck
If you have a purple star on ebay and you've never sold anything..... Yooooou might be a redneck
If you know the operator at the home shopping network by name and the names of her grand children, yooooooou might be a redneck
Good thing Cathy Sisk's father in law wasn't skinny dipping!
I would like to know if Jeff Foxworthy is actually responsible for this piece of trash I just received in my email. I certainly hope not---I like and respect the man, but that could change!!!
Subject: Fw: god bless america and the white people who live in it! ....
>
>
>
>>> Does Jeff Foxworthy Have Something Here?
>>>
>>>
>>>Bet you stand up and say YES, YEAH! after you read this.
>>>
>>>I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big
campfires.
>>>I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some
>>>governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
>>>crack addicts for squirting out babies.
>>>
>>>Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You
>>>can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to
ban
>>>you from driving to the ball game.
>>>
>>>I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why
there
>>>are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!
>>>
>>>I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it
is
>>>an opinion. I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of
anything
>>>except numbers.
>>>
>>>The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things
>>>like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment
Tele
>>>vision, and Miss Black America.
>>>
>>>Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud
Magazine,
>>>White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what
>>>happens.
>>>
>>>Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.
>>>
>>>I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are
>>>different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get
arrested
>>>are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black that is not
>>>racial profiling , it is the law of statistics.
>>>
>>>I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it.
>>>
>>>If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office,
>>>
>>>it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business.
>>>
>>>I would be "FIRED" immediately!
>>>
>>>I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of
>>>
>>>cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English!
>>>
>>>As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen
>>>
>>>you should have to speak English!
>>>
>>>My father and grandfather should not have died in vain so
>>>
>>>you can leave the countries you were born in to come
>>>
>>>over and disrespect ours.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I think the police should have every right to shoot your ---
>>>
>>>sorry sorry rear end if you threaten them after they tell you to stop.
>>>
>>>If you can't understand the order" freeze" or "stop" in
>>>
>>>English, see the above lines.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation
recount
>>>votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I don't think just because you were not born in this country,
>>>
>>>you are qualified for any special loan programs, government
>>>
>>>sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a
>>>
>>>hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and
>>>
>>>risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that
>>>
>>>decades later they could come over here and tell us our
>>>
>>>constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I don't hate the rich . I don't pity the poor.
>>>
>>>I know wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television,
>>>
>>>and that doesn't stop you from watching them.
>>>
>>>I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause
>>>
>>>is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and
>>>continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next
>>>operating system that's better and put your name on the building.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does
take a
>>>parent to stand up to the kid and smack his/her little rear end when
>>>necessary and say "NO".
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please
don't
>>>pretend they are a political statement. And please stay home until
that
>>>new lip ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as
>>>you serve me french fries!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go
along
>>>with it. I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them
was
>>>born in Africa, so how can they be "African Americans"?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a
>>>European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great
>>>grandfather was from Europe.
>>>
>>>I am proud to be from America and no where else.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>And if you don't like my point of view, tough! GET OVER IT!!!
>>>
>>>WAKE UP WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A COUNTRY TO WAKE UP TO.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>If you are not ashamed of America, forward this to everyone in your
>>>address book while you can still do it for free!!!
>>>
>>>WAKE UP WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A COUNTRY TO WAKE UP TO.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>If you are not ashamed of America, forward this to everyone in your
>>>address book while you can still do it for free!!!
my husbend wanted me to send this after my neice and i were talking about what color of flip-flops were better , you know your a redneck when you get your dress shoes on the flip-flop isle..
You might be a redneck if you use duck tape to repair your freezer. I did this when I went to visit my mom, that lives in Kansas City Mo. The shelves in the freezer door broke, and I taped them back on. One year later they are holden tight.
....i just read an e-mail that a friend sent me about people that live in michigan, written by you....im going to be honest here....i was really insulted by a lot of it....now im not going to go into word and verse, but ill tell you right now....people like us (michiganders) are a LARGE part of your fan base, and to totally rip on us like that was out of line....i have respect for your act because its clean family humor, but youre really overkilling the "if you lived there" bit....find some NEW material and quit ragging on people and their culture....i hope you actually read this, but i sincerely doubt that you ever come to this web site....and in the future, ill save my money for comedians like lewis black, dave chappelle, and dave attell....at least i know what ill be getting and wont be surprised....
Redneck word: Worsen
Definition: Whats in
Use: Hon, Worsen this here box?!
i have a rednek word....
NACHO(not your)
What do you call cheese that isnt yours?
NACHO CHEESE
sorry the one i did b-4 wasnt good enuf for my bro so....
NACHO(not your)
hey man that NACHO cheese!
I THOT UT NAME WAS JETH
ur comment
isa~it is a, youdabeen~you would have been... Isa good thing you 'membered where ya parked, else youdabeen walkin'.
I have a word for your redneck dictionary.
My boyfriend and I were talking about an old man driving and slowing down to make a turn from the lane instead of getting off on the shoulder. He turned into a bar. My boyfriend said now he'll pound down a few and instead of having just a slow driver we'll have a drunk impeder (drunkin peter).
got a couple redneck jokes like everyone else. You might be a redneck if.......
1.your belt is a multi-purpose tool
2.visiting your brother and his wife involves walking to the trailer in the back yard
3.you use toilet paper as a decoration at your wedding reception
I forgot one
you might be a redneck if....
your idea of evening attire is a bath robe slippers and hair curlers
i have a word for the redneck dictionary. it is "commentator."(common
'tater) "just any commentator will do"
I saw a vehicle today that I thought would make a good "you might be a redneck" forFoxworthy to use on one of his shows. There was a vehicle that had a WOODEN BUMPER on the back of the car.
do i have a story for you . on aug. 5,2006. tim &shirley eckhoff were married on the bow of tim's bass boat. only after fishin a bass tourament .which was the brides idea.the couple met on the same boat they were married on. it was love at first bite.
If your child's trick or treating bag says Winn Dixies on it, you might be a redneck.
I seen something today in Charelston, S.C that might qualify as a Redneck. On September 15, 2006 my wife and I were at Walmart. Sitting in the parking lot was a Green Ford Pickup with a black cage in it. The unusal thing was it had a Bass seat welded to the top of it. Does this qualify as being a Redneck?
Scott Fowler
i just stumbled across this and automatically thought of you.. new word for your dictonary.
..Bernadette
Set fire to your bills
.. this was a kids replu to the answer at hand which makes it so funny.. hopy ya like it...keep up the good work yall are too funny
You might be a redneck if your wifes edible undies are made of deer jerky!
Here's an addition to the dictionary...Fart...Used in a sentence...I sure got some bad indegestion. I think I'll go take something fart (for it)
Hey Jeff, I have a redneck Joke for you: You might be a redneck if your family photo involves a dead animal. I Thought of this because my little brother shot his doe antelope and our success photo looks like a family portrait. Write back if you see this.
Hey, I've got a redneck joke one of the kids in my history class made up. "If you ask your kid for the answers from today's quiz, you might be a redneck."
you might be a red neck if you use a pitch fork to roast hotdogs
Heres one for your dictionary:
Shirttail (should tell): "you prolly shirttail yur brother that his wifes cheatin'"
Jeff,
I work in a doctor's office and I was wearng jeans and some kick ass boots and my doctor (my boss)stated I looked like a tobacco hillbilly. I was wondering if you know what that is? Also, we think that Virginia Bushwacher is our mascot. What do you think she looks like? ha ha
Teressa
If the only thing you can't fabricate from a two-by-four is a lie your wife will believe...
hello,i wanted to contact jeff for a video skit me and my two friends did it has redneck stuff in it that he might be interested in please contact me at email above or by mail 234 county road725 nacogdoches tx.75964 its the oldest town in texas thank you yhomas l.hammond jr.
Here is a funny ass redneck joke for you Jeff..
YOU MUST BE A REDNECK..
If you live in a camper and your bathroom is the out house in the back of your pickup truck you must be a redneck.
Here is a funny - redneck joke for you Jeff..
YOU MUST BE A REDNECK..
If you live in a Pop up camper and your bathroom is the out house in the back of your pickup truck you must be a redneck.
The reason for that was my buddy lives in a trailer park in caton Michigan and his park rented out a lot to a pop up trailer. how funny is that...Rednecks of Canton Michigan
You might be a redneck if your father who is the State Representative and an attorney asks where in the car would like to ride in the car the trunk or the backseat and you, full of excitement jump in the trunk with the dogs of a Buick headed to your grandfather's house witch happens to be the Mayor.
Oak Ridge, TN
here is one for you jeff k i wallked into iga and was standing in line ready to buy my beer and the lady in front of me asked me how to spell IGA there's your sign
you might be a reneck, if your blow up doll, doubles as your deer decoy during the hunting season. love your jkes jeff
You might be a redneck if you wrap your wife's Christmas gift in a black garbage bag and tape it with camo duct tape.
You might be a redneck "if you or your children have been throwing up or had diarrhea within a 24-hour period before the family Christmas gathering AND if you are currently too sick to eat or socialize, and yet you come to the family gathering anyway and infect half a dozen relatives!!!"
The AARP has found a new use for WD-40,,,,,it keeps rust off your nuts
I have some redneck jokes that Jeff Foxworthy might be interested in using. If he is interested in reading them, feel free to e-mail me at paulfre@AOL.com, and maybe we can negotitate the rights to use them on his Comedy tour.
I have a new redneck word.
Ireland ( I're land )
(Friend) You can't get a girl!
(you) Ireland Her.
Subject: Deer Roping & other foolish things
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die, slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head - almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.
While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling "what happened"
I have never seen any law in the state of Maryland that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear..not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer". I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did. Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.
EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an outsider - a "city folk". I have enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and whispering "there is the dumb guy that tried to rope the deer."
it's wasn't me just thought you may like the story.
If you mail order that whightnin stuff for your tooth, you might be a RED NECK!
If your pick-up sits soo high that birds roost under it like rafters, you might be a RED NECK!!
To; Whomever it may concern,
We the members of the REDNECK Society of America would like to be referred to as Ozark Americans instead of REDNECKS. With all the "Political Correctness" of today's time
Your fellow Ozark American,
Robert E. Hannah Jr. III
And all other Ozark Americans
Joke: You might be a redneck if you stir your soup with an oar and call it booyah!! In WI we make a chicken soup called booyah. It's cooked in huge, wood heated, cast iron kettles and stirred with oars. We never thought it odd until my daughter went to school in Iowa and was telling kids about her graduation party. They couldn't believe it and just roared!
I recently met a girl on the internet dating site who wanted to meet,so i met her at a resturant,we ate,then when she wanted to know what I had in store for the rest of the evening I told her to drive me to wall-mart she did but wern't to pleased with it needless to say it was a short and sweet relationship. So I guess "You might be a redneck If you bring the girl that you've just met out to wall-mart on your first date,and get her to drive cause you lost yer licences on a dwi"
Hey I just found out we are 5th cousins your 3 great grandad is my 2 great grandads
brother that makes us 5th cousins. People make fun of me all the time and say hey are you related to that Foxworthy guy and I say you have a problem with that. They usually shut up but I am proud to say I am a red neck keep up the good work.
Vivian Mount (Foxworthy)
not related to the Vivian MOunt in Pa. that also wrote to you.
*blinks*
Wow....you have a lot of people typing to you....Oh, how do you even manage to read all these? anyway, Sorry If I have a lot of chat speak here. I'm too used to it sense I do it all the time. I'm not going to tell you that I'm your best fan, because I know that you already have enough people saying that, but I do love to watch you on TV. So....did you enjoy watching that guy break dancing on "are you smarter than a fith grader"? ;D Pfft, If I had made it that far, I would have taken that money and left XDDD No matter how smart I thought I was.
Oh, I was thinking about something today, that happened a while back....*shruggs* I just thought you'd like to hear about my small, probably stupid as usual idea for your show....I found it quite amusing...
There is this kid that lives across the street from me. On the next street over, is a teenager who I like to call piercings....(this guy has all the piercings in the world, I swear, tatoos too). Anyway, he SAID that he was going to teach the kid across the street from me how to talk and act like a redneck.....PFFT! yeah, right! This kid knows notin' bout' being a redneck! When I started thinking about that today, I thought of you, jeff. I imagined something called 'how to teach someone to be a redneck' or something like that....I was laughing at the expressions on your face as I imagined you saying funny things like "Now what you do is, when one of them thar' fancy peoples comes up to you's, just act likes..." and then say something witty and hilarious XDDD
*shruggs* Also, I wanted to ask you two questions, but I will ask you one, cause I don't think I should be asking the other (don't worry, nothing inapropriate, just...meh, I think it may ruin the fun of things if you answered it). How do you like traveling with larry the cable guy? I'm not looking for a funny answer, but I would like to know XDD
Thanks for that thar' lisnen....hope I didn't bore you too much XDD. Oh, by the way, this is the first time I have ever written to a celebrity, and I really hope that this isn't some sort of hoax, and I'm not really even writing to you....
Keep up teh' good work!
*blinks*
Wow....you have a lot of people typing to you....Oh, how do you even manage to read all these? anyway, Sorry If I have a lot of chat speak here. I'm too used to it sense I do it all the time. I'm not going to tell you that I'm your best fan, because I know that you already have enough people saying that, but I do love to watch you on TV. So....did you enjoy watching that guy break dancing on "are you smarter than a fith grader"? ;D Pfft, If I had made it that far, I would have taken that money and left XDDD No matter how smart I thought I was.
Oh, I was thinking about something today, that happened a while back....*shruggs* I just thought you'd like to hear about my small, probably stupid as usual idea for your show....I found it quite amusing...
There is this kid that lives across the street from me. On the next street over, is a teenager who I like to call piercings....(this guy has all the piercings in the world, I swear, tatoos too). Anyway, he SAID that he was going to teach the kid across the street from me how to talk and act like a redneck.....PFFT! yeah, right! This kid knows notin' bout' being a redneck! When I started thinking about that today, I thought of you, jeff. I imagined something called 'how to teach someone to be a redneck' or something like that....I was laughing at the expressions on your face as I imagined you saying funny things like "Now what you do is, when one of them thar' fancy peoples comes up to you's, just act likes..." and then say something witty and hilarious XDDD
*shruggs* Also, I wanted to ask you two questions, but I will ask you one, cause I don't think I should be asking the other (don't worry, nothing inapropriate, just...meh, I think it may ruin the fun of things if you answered it). How do you like traveling with larry the cable guy? I'm not looking for a funny answer, but I would like to know XDD
Thanks for that thar' lisnen....hope I didn't bore you too much XDD. Oh, by the way, this is the first time I have ever written to a celebrity, and I really hope that this isn't some sort of hoax, and I'm not really even writing to you....
Keep up teh' good work!
dear jeff foxworthy my name is michelle knupp you are my favorite comedy celeberty . i listen to all of your cds and tapes everyday my mom is always asking if i am getting tired of listening to you or your cd's and i always say no.
i sure wish i can see you in purson i love all your jokes and all your shows. YOU ROCK !!!
Redneck Laundry Chute: A toilet mounted on a washing machine lid with and a hole feeding the machine. Throw in your socks and flush. Throw in your shirt and flush. Feed pants in slowly and flush. Add clothes soap to toilet and flush. Now turn the machine on. Now your clothes are ready to be washed. Check for paper.
I may not have a lot, but here is a redneck word I came up with.
Asbestos: Hey man, you did asbestos you could!
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF YOU RENT A UHAL FOR TRANSPORTATION.I HAD TO AND I AM VERY PROUD TO BE A REDNECK.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK...
...if you think HALO 3 is an episode of charlies angels
...if you lost in tc tac toe to your great grandaddy's chicken
I live in Ohio and I think the red neck lines were really on the money. People here are behind the times and they think they are living. Here is one for you, You may think your a redneck if your husband is driving and pulls into a gas station for gas and asks you to pump it. Then you are from Ohio.
hi jeff my name is ken and im from australia... so gday from down under to all yall..
well i have a redneck joke for ya's
your a redneck when your neighbour ask's where's ya (bin) been
and you answer i bin(been) down the pub for a beer...
well i hope ya like it.. have a great one guys talk soon.. again gday.. and good bye from aussie
Jeff, I've watched your show for heck I don't know how long. You're awesome man... I was watching you be interviewed by a talk show host i forgot the name. But anyways you said that you were working a job that you really didn't like and you quit your job and decided to be a comedian. Well, people might think im crazy but i would love to give it a shot. I'm a senior in High school and going to the UofA for college. I'd like to give being a comedian a shot just like you said anyone can do it you just have to commit yourself. Yeah im a loser for typing this but heck what can it hurt. I see tons of people have done random posts as i did.. I guess im not the only loser.. haha .. later Jeff your awesome.
We have rednecks here in the Pacific Northwest too :-)
Have no idea how to get mail Jeff Foxworthy, though if you like this you could pass it along to him
You might be a Redneck if you're caught running from police on your lawn mower
http://www.komotv.com/news/16037282.html
Man on riding mower tries to flee police -- at whopping 3 mph
By Associated Press
Watch the story
VANCOUVER, Wash. (AP) - A man led police on a very slow-speed chase, refusing to stop while riding a lawn mower at about 3 mph across a busy street and steering it toward an officer before he was grabbed and arrested, a police report says.
Now, authorities say, the question is whether Stephen Ray Castor, 53, already under investigation in the breaking of a window of a man's house and the episode with the officer, can also be charged with drunken driving. State law is silent on whether riding mowers are covered by the law against driving under the influence.
Castor remained in the Clark County Jail with bail set at $40,000 pending a court appearance Friday.
Police said the chase began late Monday afternoon after Jason Taylor reported that Castor - a stranger to him - cursed at him, rode the mower through his fence gate and smashed a window with a lawn chair.
Castor drove the mower across a boulevard and down a city street, the police report said. Officer Gregory J. Hibbard got out of his patrol car and told Castor to stop, then had to sidestep to avoid being hit, the report said.
Shortly afterward, several officers pulled Castor off the mower and arrested him.
Jeff you are the greatest. My husband and I watch all your Blue Collar Comedy Shows. We have several of your tapes, CD'S and Books. We LOVE you. We have been enjoying your show "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader" since the first show aired. I am so very disappointed and mad right now. We have not seen the show the last 3 weeks. I finally called the station and found out they quit airing the show. I could not believe it. It is impossible to find decent family oriented shows that familys can watch and enjoy together. We finally find a show that we can look forward to week after week and thay take it off the air. Your show was not only funny, and entertaining, it was also educational. Please, I am desperate. I have to find a way to see your show. Is there anything you or your staff can tell me to do to get it back on here in Omaha Nebraska. Please E-Mail me if you have any ideas to help me out.
A Redneck joke for jeff . you might be a redneck if someone steals you idenity and then give it back
Heres a joke for you, If you use the refrigerator to cool yourself down, you might be a redneck.
Hey Jeff, everyone I know wants to know when season 2 of the Jeff Foxworthy Show is being released to dvd. It would make a fine addition to my collection of your performances. I don't know what the problem is, but I'm sure it would sell 10X as many copies as the first season did.
You know your a redneck when you cant remember were you parked your house